Lingering Doubts
by Milarius
Summary: What did Izaya mean when he said he would be going 'underground? Shizuo knows that he doesn't like the idea of an absent Izaya, since that just has to mean trouble. So, Shizuo goes to find out what the flea is planning...if there's anything at all. But he's in for more than he expected when he makes a sudden decision without a second thought...
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everyone!**

**So, this is the newest story I've been working on for a while now. **

**First off, I should mention that the events leading up the beginning will make _much_ more sense if you've seen the anime, the very last episode, to be precise.**

-There was an attempted attack on Yuuhei Hanejima (Kasuka Heiwajima) while he filmed a live television special, 'The Number One Couple in Ikebukuro'. Luckily, the attacker was stopped by Shizuo.  
After that, it's the final fight between Shizuo and Izaya, going on to a chase into the night.-

**This story is based off of that... Think of it as an alternate course of events for the two of them, ultimately leading them to find something more in each other...something other than hatred.**

**With that, I present to you Lingering Doubts.**

* * *

**Lingering Doubts: Chapter 1**

* * *

_Cellphones flipped shut, practically in synch. _

_There was a low growl from one man, a smirk from the other.  
_

_Eyes met.  
_

_Resistance snapped._

_The chase was on._

* * *

_**"I've decided the time has come. I'm going underground for a while."**_

Izaya Orihara did, indeed, leave the streets of Ikebukuro that day.  
But not long after he left, did a certain blond in a bartender's uniform find dissatisfaction with that intended reality.  
This was what he had wanted, wasn't it?

No. It _wasn't_.

Shizuo Heiwajima _didn't want that_.

* * *

The day had consisted of one of their largest fights yet. Street signs were embedded into the ground all around them to form their 'battleground' by sundown, the chase ultimately ending when a dreadfully familiar sense of déjà vu chose to revisit the blond...

...He was hit by a truck.

Just like the time from high school.

Right after his _very_ fast recovery, he had chased the informant into Shinjuku as night began to set, but he somehow managed to lose track of him. After all, the neighboring city was more of Izaya's turf.

However, Shizuo wouldn't have that.

Determined, he did the only logical thing.  
He went out in search of the flea.

It was laughable, really, just how easy it was. Of all places, Izaya actually went back to his own apartment.

As if Shizuo wouldn't follow him there.

It hadn't even been half an hour before Izaya was greeted by a very loud and _very_ annoying pounding on his door. In the instant that he opened the door, he questioned why he even bothered in the first place, his body freezing in place as he saw just _who_ was standing there on the other side.

"Shizu-chan." He spoke stiffly, the blond not wasting a second to push past him, taking a weary look around before glaring angrily at the other male. "...I would greet you accordingly...but, you aren't exactly welcome here to begin with." He flicked his wrist towards the door. "There's the exit. From which you came."

His request went ignored, the blond with fists at his sides, the expression on his face clearly displaying his attempt to try and keep himself under control as to avoid unnecessary damage to the whole building. He didn't need to cause any more destruction today.

"No." Was all Shizuo said.

"...No?" Izaya laughed, backing his body away, all the while preparing a knife in his pocket for defense, if need be. "Why's that, hm? You're trespassing, you know."

"...I don't care."

"...Right, right. Shizu-chan doesn't care. But then again, he's quite incapable of that in the first place, anyway." The smirk on Izaya's face widened before it fell. This was already getting to be a bother, and he just wanted to know what sort of business the blond had with him, then have him go on his way. "Now, what are you doing here? Have you come to beat me up? In my own home, no less? So mean..." He faked a frown for dramatic effect, only for it to be replaced with a small and waiting grin.

"Bastard. You wanna know why I'm here?" Shizuo's eyes glinted dangerously, but he didn't allow himself to snap...yet. It was all a matter of keeping himself under control. "Today my brother almost got hurt because of you. Also, don't say strange things like what you said before without an explanation. What the hell are you planning?"

Izaya's eyes narrowed, his grin faltering once more. "Well, I knew that 'Yuuhei's' _beloved_ _brother_ would keep him from any harm, without a doubt." He tilted his head almost thoughtfully. "Besides, how else would I lure Shizu-chan where I wanted him, eh?" Izaya took another step back towards the wall. "As for these strange things that I supposedly said...what are you talking about?"

"...Lure me... So you could get me hit by the damn truck-!...and you know _exactly_ what I'm talking about! You said you were gonna go underground-"

"Ah... Heh yes, I suppose I did say that. But that's hardly the main reason you're here, right? Besides, I would've thought Shizu-chan might be pleased about that... Curious..."

"What's this _main_ reason?! I don't need a reason to beat you up. Besides, it seems like you're always involved when things go wrong!"

"Domestic violence? Please refrain, Shizu-chan."

"Domestic vi-! What the hell's that supposed to mean?!"

"I'm right here. You don't have to yell."

"Like hell I gotta listen to you!"

"...Shizu-chan."

"It's bad enough that I always have to somehow be involved in your plans, when I want nothing to do with them! I wish you'd just stay away and leave me the hell alone!"

"...Shizu-chan..."

"Going underground? What a joke. That's probably your way of saying you're gonna go into hiding so you can plot something else!" His eyes could practically shoot daggers. "No, you know what? I should just come here everyday to make sure you aren't planning anything!"

"Shizuo!"

The blond finally came to a stop mid-breath, his eyes wide as he looked at Izaya once more. "...Wh-what did you just say?"

"Shut up!" The younger male hissed out, clenching his teeth in obvious annoyance, before he visibly relaxed upon seeing Shizuo temporarily quiet. "Anyway, you can't just invite yourself over here. I can't allow you to continuously trespass, since you aren't at all welcome here to begin with."'

"No, _you_ shut up." Shizuo responded like a stubborn kid. "I've decided that it's gonna have to be my job to make sure you don't screw anything up anymore. Including my life and everyone else's. Clearly attempting to catch you and beat the shit out of you hasn't been working out. I've had it with this bull crap." He crossed his arms with a frown. "So, I'm trying another way. As much as I hate the fact of even breathing the same air as you, I'm gonna show up here every single day. Whether you like it or not."

"Ohh, so I'm being placed under some sort of supervision?" Izaya taunted the older male, although the look on his face remained dull.

"Something like that. No doubt you need it."

At this point, the original reason for their argument was lost.  
They had been arguing, simply for the sake of arguing.

But, at least it wasn't physically violent that time, and, oddly enough, they managed to reach some sort of a conclusion.

"...If this is a substitute for our usual chases, then..." Izaya looked like he was debating with himself in his head of what he should say next, and when he finally did finish speaking, he still looked uncertain. "...If you agree that you aren't going to attack me outside of here...and especially not inside here either, then...I'll allow this."

Shizuo had something ready to bark back, but...he paused, and had to repeat the informant's words in his head a few times, trying to figure out if he had really heard that correctly.

"...Wait...you're-..." Still feeling stubborn, he turned his head away with a snarl. "Tch. No promises on that attacking part...but I guess I can try if it means knowing for certain if you're up to no good." A wide smirk replaced his frown. "Oh, and I don't need your permission. I would've shown up either way."

An amused smile appeared across the brunet's face. "Really now? Well, let's just see if you can actually go through with this little pact then, hm?"

...And so, regardless of their dissatisfaction on the matter, a new routine began.

* * *

"..."

"...Oh. You actually showed up."

Izaya opened the door to a sour-faced blond, who was standing with his arms crossed, glaring down at the informant. With a loud sigh, the shorter male stepped aside, allowing Shizuo to enter, much to his displeasure. There was no point in even trying to fight it when a man with superhuman strength could easily toss him aside.

The bodyguard wordlessly strode over to the couch, taking a seat and making himself at home. Izaya simply rolled his eyes with a small _tsk_, shutting the door after his 'guest' before going back to his desk to continue his work.

The next hour went by in silence...aside from the occasional typing sounds of a keyboard.

Shizuo peeked over from the couch every-so-often, that action not going unnoticed by Izaya. But he continued to avoid acknowledging it, even though the feeling of someone watching him was getting on his nerves.

The irony being that he was the one used to doing the watching.

After a few more minutes, Izaya couldn't take it anymore.

"You know, you don't have to sit there the whole time."

There was a grunting sound, Shizuo turning his head back with narrowed eyes. "What else am I supposed to do? From here, I can keep an eye on you, and not have to deal with your flea stench."

"Well you can always-..._Excuse me_?"

"You heard me."

"...I don't at all have a 'stench'."

"Then why can I smell you whenever you're in the city?"

"Your nose must be deceiving you. It's probably a combination of all those lowlifes you deal with, not to mention your horrible smoking habit."

"Like I don't know the difference! Then explain why I can follow your scent and it _always_ leads straight to you?"

"...You really are like a dog, aren't you?"

"...Shuddup..."

Both of them took a moment to cool their nerves, then Izaya broke the silence.

"...Just stop staring at me. Although I know that you won't do even that, so at least tone it down a bit. I'm trying to work."

"Oh, plotting something?"

"No. I have a job, you know. Do you really think that I spend a majority of my time scheming?"

"AHA! So you admit it-"

"I never said anything of the sort." Izaya frowned as he stared at the computer screen. He was actually being honest. His 'scheming' days were over, or at least, for now. He just wanted to be away from everything for a while, especially the blond brute...who just happened to be invading his apartment, observing his every move.

So much for a break.

"Speaking of which...don't you have a job to go to?" It occurred to Izaya that Shizuo still worked for the debt-collecting agency, and there was no way that he'd be able to come to his apartment every day like he had claimed he would-

"I got a month off. Boss is out of town."

...Well, wasn't that just _convenient_.

"...Is that so..." Izaya tried to seem unfazed, but displeasure was still detectable in his voice, if not on his face. After all, Shizuo could read him like no one else could.

"Yep." Shizuo had an almost...dark grin on his face. One which Izaya didn't like very much. "So we're gonna be spending a looot of time together, I-za-yaaa..."

"...Wonderful." The other said between clenched teeth, taking a deep breath in order to calm himself.

"Very." Shizuo agreed with a similar tone of voice. "So you'd better get used to it."

"...I refuse." Izaya mumbled, the clicking of a mouse following after. "I'd much rather be chased, actually."

"Oh really?"

"...Yeah. It's better than being constantly observed as if I'm some sort of prey. At least with a chase, I have a chance of getting away from you. Which I have, every time. But here, I'm stuck in the same room as you, and I have no choice but to stay. So, yes, a chase would be much better than being watched."

"...Ohh reaaally? Well...consider this payback for all the times you 'watched' me."

"No I-...WHAT?"

"Aw don't even try to deny it, I-zaa-yaaa." The blond snickered, the evil grin remaining. "I've caught you plenty of times...and now that I think about it, seems like you're observing me more than the human beings that you supposedly love so much."

Said informant was practically getting red in the face from anger at that point, his calm demeanor slowly crumbling with every growing second. He put his hands into fists under his desk, keeping from possibly bursting from his emotions.

Never had he ever felt so frustrated in his entire life...and it was all because he didn't know what to say next.

"You...just-... _Shut up._" The words were finally hissed, Izaya admitting his temporary defeat and going back to work...or at least, trying.

"Fine then." Shizuo smirked, leaning against the couch once more with a satisfied hum.

_'I learned something interesting today... Apparently I **can** get him to be quiet.'_

* * *

**;)**

**-Milarius**


	2. Chapter 2

**Lingering Doubts: Chapter 2**

* * *

It had been a week since Shizuo had upheld his 'promise' of going to Izaya's apartment every single day, lasting from the late morning into the early evening. Nothing really changed, their interactions the same as always. They bickered as usual, but other than that, there was little conversation. They were also -trying- to at least tolerate each other. Shizuo was determined to go through with his observation. Both of them were trying to learn how to be civil enough to live like this day-by-day.

However, on one particular day when Shizuo arrived, things started to go a little bit differently.

Izaya opened the door to the blond...although, he had to take a double look-over at what he saw.

"...Uh... What are you looking at?" Shizuo inquired, the informant taking a little bit _too_ long to let him in. Though, Izaya couldn't help it.  
The usual bartender attire was replaced by different clothing...casual clothing...consisting of a simple black t-shirt and grey jeans. It was certainly a sight Izaya wasn't use to.  
Also, there was no denying that Shizuo actually looked kind of...cool.

"...Izaya?"

The raven-haired finally looked up to meet gazes with the other, staring at him a few moments longer with some unreadable expression, before stepping aside. Shizuo just raised an eyebrow when he received no response, Izaya turning away to walk back over to his desk and take a seat. His face was no longer visible to Shizuo, who was continuing to wonder what was going through the other's mind.  
Eventually, he decided to not worry about it and simply shrugged, making his way over to his typical spot.

A couple hours went by before Shizuo turned his head to the sound of the door being unlocked and opened. He instantly had his guard up, not knowing what sort of person might be coming into Izaya's apartment...

...Who apparently also had a key.

For some reason, the very thought of that made Shizuo's eye twitch.  
In a way, he found it almost...unsettling...and he wasn't even aware of the low growl escaping from his chest.  
That very sound didn't go unnoticed by Izaya, who glanced the blonds' way with a questionable look.

_'...What's this? It's like he's-... Ahh, so he's territorial now?'_

The door opened fully, revealing a slender woman with dark long hair and a bored face. She then shut the door, rather harshly, but not enough for it to slam.  
Upon seeing the quite unexpected guest on the couch, her face morphed into one of disbelief, before amusement replaced it. Shizuo took note of that little transition, becoming rather confused. Yet he couldn't wonder anymore about that when Izaya interrupted his thoughts.

"Namie. So you managed to make it to work today!" He exclaimed a little _too_ cheerfully, though there was no doubt that it was pure sarcasm.

The woman in turn showed Izaya her bored expression once again, then took out a manila folder from her case. She left it on the desk, placing one hand on her hip. "Why else would I show up? You know why."

Shizuo paid close attention to the conversation, but he was slightly surprised by what he heard...yet... oddly relieved?

...So, apparently this woman _worked_ for Izaya...and just like practically everyone else, she didn't seem to like him at all.

_'So why work for him?'_

That was soon answered by Izaya's next words.

"Of course, your paycheck. You had last week off and yet you still demand it first thing. Not that it's anything new..." He kept the overly happy grin, taking a slip of paper out of a drawer in his desk, pushing it across the smooth surface towards the scowling woman. Her face returned to its former dullness, Shizuo assuming that might be a sign that she was at least satisfied with receiving her check. He figured the pay had to be pretty good in order for someone with her depressing sort of attitude to continue working for the informant.

"Oh, and don't mind my guest. He'll be sticking around for a while, so try not to contaminate him with your gloomy attitude." He added, before opening the folder he was given earlier and flipping through the pages.

"...Ah." Was the barely audible reply. Clearly, Namie couldn't care less about glorifying that with a response, nor about the other person in the room. Even if she did know exactly who it was sitting on the couch.

_'Huh...he sounds oddly casual about it..._' Shizuo observed, his attention going to Namie as she left Izaya's desk and walked up to where he was seated. He was a bit cautious as she approached him, but he soon relaxed as she completely ignored him and went to another chair, a considerable distance away.  
He certainly didn't want to get infected with her 'gloomy attitude', as Izaya had put it.

The bitter woman took a seat across from the bodyguard, setting her case down next to the coffee table and laying out a few folders, beginning to look through them.

The rest of the day went by like any of the others the previous week, except there was far less talking this time.

* * *

Namie finally left after she was done arranging paperwork.  
However, her leaving meant...Shizuo and Izaya were, once again, alone in the room together.

Izaya was still on the computer, looking just as enthralled with his work as ever. But for Shizuo, he felt boredom creeping onto him just from watching the other do that work.

"...Izaya."

The other male looked up in question when his name was suddenly called after hours of silence from the blond. "...Yeah?"

"...Don't you ever...do anything else?"

That caught the informant off-guard. He stared blankly for a moment, then shook his head with a small sigh. "Well, I would ordinarily be wandering around the city, but since I'm confined to my own home by a _certain someone_, I have no choice but to stay here."

Shizuo frowned.  
Sure, he had wanted to keep a watchful eye on the flea, but he didn't want to cause the other boredom. Especially because if Shizuo was going to be hanging around all day, there had to be something more stimulating than Izaya typing away on his keyboard. Otherwise, Shizuo would become bored, as well.  
It was going to be a long month if things kept up that way.

"...Uh...is that right..." Shizuo replied awkwardly, running his fingers through his blond hair. He was certainly starting to realize that this whole idea might not be very productive, on his part. So far, Izaya hadn't done anything potentially troublesome, and didn't even seem to be working on anything sketchy. Shizuo knew that he'd be able to tell...

"Oh come now, Shizu-chan. I still go out when you're not around..."

...Wait a minute...

Izaya smiled to himself as he admitted it, eyes still situated on the screen.

Shizuo flinched, narrowing his own eyes with a frown. "Do you?" He asked with a low tone of voice. "And what exactly is it that you do when you 'go out'? Eh?"

"Yes. In the early mornings or at night. But why should it concern Shizu-chan?" Izaya sighed as he got nothing but a glare, adjusting his glasses as he decided to explain himself, since Shizuo was bound to not let him off, anyway. "I have basic needs just like anyone else. I need to go out and get food so I can eat. I need the fresh air, which I get when I do walk around. Oh, and I still have work, so I meet with some clients outside of my office."

Shizuo's eye twitched at that. He had heard a few things here or there relating to Izaya's 'outside clients'...and they weren't very pleasant things.  
He was then reminded of rumors from high school, and at the time, he hadn't believed them. But the rumors still remained. Even just recently, Shizuo had heard things around the city, making him get an almost unsettling feeling in his chest and stomach...

He was pissed off at the idea of someone even laying a finger on Izaya.  
Why that would even bother him in the first place, he didn't even care to wonder.

_'It's just because he's **my** rival. MINE. No sick bastards have a right to touch him... Only me..._' Shizuo didn't even think of how those thoughts might otherwise sound if he were to stop and re-evaluate them, but before a chance to catch his own thoughts came, his curiosity for confirmation got the best of him.

"...Clients, you say. What kind of 'clients'?" He frowned again. In that moment, he still assumed the worst, even if he didn't believe it. Not giving Izaya an opportunity to reply, he opened his mouth, speaking before thinking. "I can't believe you're still doing that... Even I don't let people get away with bribing me with their bodies when I'm doing my job. In fact, the thought of ever going through with it is pretty repulsive. Especially with a stranger." He let out a quiet breath. "Besides...you're well off, so you don't need to keep selling your body for infor-"

"Good! Don't believe it, because it isn't true!" Izaya suddenly shouted, causing Shizuo to flinch. He lowered his head, his next words spoken quietly. "...It never was."

"Wh-what? But I thought-"

"Well, you thought wrong!" Izaya was angry about those accusations, there was no doubt. "_Honestly_ Shizuo, even if you do hate me, you still know me a lot better than most people..."

The fact that he didn't even use Shizuo's nickname this time let the blond know that he really was upset...and really telling the truth.  
Izaya stood up, crossing his arms with an almost...hurt look on his face.

"Or at least, I thought that you did know me... Enough to know that I would never let another person touch me...let alone _do things_ to me." He raised his head, this time his eyes were narrowed. "Tch... Just like you said... The very thought of that makes me sick..."

"...But I thought you loved all humans." Shizuo realized right after he spoke that he might be pushing it.

The redness in Izaya's eyes seemed to stand out more, if that were even possible. They were widened for a second as he cleared his throat and looked away. "...That doesn't mean that I make it my goal to whore myself out to every single one of them, let alone give them permission to touch me." Shizuo noticed how Izaya was now hugging himself with his arms. "...Doing things...like _that_...doesn't always automatically mean love. Lust and love are two different things...even though sometimes, they do cross. There are also different kinds of love. My love for humans isn't what you'd call 'romantic'. I just find them interesting...and to show my interest, I like to observe from afar. Not get close. Not to any single one of them."

Shizuo tilted his head. _'...Not get close... Huh...he says that, but...what about me? I'd say I'm some sort of an exception...'_

"...Izaya, I-"

"That rumor. It's a nasty lie someone started about me in high school, which apparently has escalated into almost a decade later. That's the end of it." The brunet sighed with heavy irritation, turning away from Shizuo and heading towards the kitchen...likely to just get away for a bit and cool down.

Shizuo felt like an idiot.  
So, his instincts had originally been correct...and he had just unnecessarily upset the informant by not trusting those instincts for one lousy moment.  
He sat there the duration of the time Izaya was gone, resting his head back and trying not to think about anything.

A little while later, Izaya came back into the room with a can of green tea in his hand, silently taking a seat on the couch beside the blond, keeping a good distance. Shizuo had been out of it while still in his thoughts, until he felt the couch dip, then looked up and stared in disbelief.  
Did the flea seriously just sit next to him? He wasn't at all concerned by the possibility of the bodyguard attacking him?  
What baffled Shizuo even more, was that Izaya was actually doing something other than working, for once.  
In fact, he seemed to be quite comfortable sitting where he was, especially considering how near he was to his blond companion.

_'...Seriously flea... You aren't at all afraid of being this close to me?'_ His eyes flicked to the side to sneak a look at the informant, when he thought back to their most recent conversation, which triggered these new-found thoughts. '_...I'm the only one he ever gets close to... Even right now, when I could so easily kill him._' He sighed softly. '_Just look at him, acting all calm like I'm not even a threat..._' Shizuo blinked as something else dawned on him. _'...Now that I think about it...he's never been afraid of me...'_

"...Hey, uh..." He began with slight hesitation, eyes going from Izaya, to the television that had just been turned on to...a kid's anime?  
Shaking his head quickly, Shizuo got back to the point. If Izaya was actually willing to be this close to him, even after all they had done to each other in their past...Shizuo couldn't deny that it was nice having someone not fear him and stay around him. With that, he felt that he should at least try to make amends for earlier. "...Okay so... I did know that those rumors...weren't true. Honestly, I never believed they were."

Izaya's eyes went to Shizuo for a moment, but his face remained towards the television, no other response given.

"I never thought you were that kind of person. It's just, like you said, the rumor's still going around and, well, it's a bit hard to not over-think things. But still... I doubted them." Shizuo's eyes lingered on the surface of the coffee table as he went on. "Besides, it's not like you ever had time to do stuff like that anyway, especially with how much I had to chase you out of the city..." He chuckled to himself, still getting no reply. He then sighed, propping his elbow onto the couch and resting his head onto it, looking fully at Izaya. "...Sorry. I'm sorry, alright? Is that what you want to hear?"

"...Only if you mean it." Finally came a response. Scarlet eyes were finally directed at him, somehow making Shizuo feel a little bit better. Especially because Izaya's face was softened.  
He looked much more relaxed compared to before.

"...Yeah. I do mean it. Besides, I'm not the kind of person to be dishonest. I have no reason to be insincere. Even if it _is_ you."

"...I know..." Izaya muttered, looking away with...a small smile? Shizuo raised an eyebrow, just barely having caught it.

He was discovering new things about Izaya everyday.

* * *

Before either of them knew it, over three weeks had gone by.

"...So it...looks like you'll be around less now that your boss is coming back..." Izaya commented, sipping his tea with a small frown.  
There was no way that he was disappointed about it...not at all...

"...Yeah..." Shizuo mumbled back, his eyes closed as he laid comfortably on the couch. Izaya didn't even bother to reprimand him for it... The blond had been using that couch since day one, so Izaya was pretty much used to the other's presence there. "Except, I got one more week." He chuckled quietly as he opened one eye, that in turn making Izaya sit up straight.

"What? I thought you said only one month?"

"Something came up. There's still more business being taken care of, so I'm free another week after this week is up." Shizuo sighed. "I'm not complaining."

Once the words left his mouth, he half expected Izaya to come up with some remark about how _he_ did have some complaints with that.  
However, such a remark never came. Izaya just sat at his desk, drinking some more tea and staring blankly at the wooden surface.

"Oh. Alright." Was the eventual answer.

Shizuo had to lift his head to get a look at his companion, in some state of disbelief. Did Izaya really seem almost...okay with this?  
Well, it had sort of become a routine now, so it was no surprise. He didn't even seem to be 'planning' anything either, just as he had claimed he wouldn't. It was at this point that Shizuo was starting to believe that he had nothing to worry about for now. His own plan of keeping an eye on the informant was deemed as successful, leaving him feeling quite accomplished.

_'With the way things are going, it looks like I could leave...'_ He blinked, then shook his head as he disagreed with his own thoughts. _'...No, I should stick around a little bit longer...just to make sure he doesn't try anything... Yeah...'_ There wasn't another reason... Or at least, he just kept telling himself that.

Shizuo's visits originally consisted of him watching the informant like a predator watching his prey, eyes never leaving him, observing his every move. But as the weeks went by, Shizuo had lessened his 'surveillance', simply just hanging around instead.  
Izaya came to feel a little sorry for him, since he spent the time just sitting on that couch.

Granted, the bodyguard brought this upon himself.

He didn't have to go there everyday. But he made that choice.  
He could easily leave and spend his time elsewhere. But, he didn't.  
Again, it had been his decision.

So, having a bit of compassion, Izaya gave Shizuo television privileges, as well as access to the kitchen, which were both gratefully used. He was already used to the stubborn blond being there, so making him leave was out of the question...aside from the fact that Shizuo probably wouldn't leave anyway, even if he were asked.

'_He may as well keep himself occupied while he's here. It's good for both of us... I was getting a bit annoyed with him watching me all the time when I was trying to work.' _Izaya had thought to himself when the decision had first been made._ 'Besides...it's actually not so bad. In fact it's...kind of...nice, having someone here...'_

* * *

The very next day, Shizuo let himself in.  
Izaya had given him a key.

It didn't really mean anything...or so Izaya had claimed. He went on to explain that getting up from work every single time to let the blond in was somewhat of a chore. But he wasn't going to deny Shizuo access anyway since, well, he didn't want to get thrown out of the way and possibly risk his apartment getting trashed.

But, there was actually another reason...

There had been just one incident that had instilled a mild sense of fear inside of Izaya, influencing his decision to give Shizuo convenient access. While he wasn't one to let fear play with him, it had actually been the first time someone had attempted to hurt him in his own apartment.  
It had happened recently, a few days before, when a shady client walked in. Not that it was anything new, as Izaya dealt with a variety of questionable people. Although, those people he usually met outside of his apartment, as they were the ones he got information from.  
Everything seemed to be going fine, until the visitor suddenly pulled out a metal pipe, with a full intent to smash Izaya's head in.  
Shizuo had been comfortably napping on the couch, only for his eyes to snap open the moment he sensed something was off. Just as the 'client' attempted to strike Izaya, the man was greeted by a furious growl and a broken arm.  
Sure enough, the attacker hadn't known Shizuo was even there, nor expected that turn of events...and that day, he learned that he probably shouldn't try something like that ever again.  
He was promptly thrown out of the apartment, Shizuo returning to his place on the couch and resuming his rest.

Izaya just stood there in utter bewilderment, not able to process what exactly just happened.

Back in the present, the blond took a seat on the couch, leaning back and glancing around. Izaya wasn't anywhere in sight, but he knew that the informant was home. His strong sense of smell had something to do with that. _'Just like a dog,'_ Izaya was bound to say.  
He was the only person Shizuo could really pick up a individual scent on...and also, Izaya's smell was quite unique. Shizuo would never admit it aloud, but he actually never thought that Izaya's scent was bad. If anything, it actually smelled sort of...nice...

It was also somewhat...sweet...tempting..._intoxicating_...

_...Whoa._

Now where did _those_ kinds of thoughts come from?

Shizuo quickly shook said thoughts out of his head before he accidentally thought even more about them...especially if Izaya was planning on walking in at any moment.

He decided to let his mind wander elsewhere.  
It was within this time that Shizuo began to reflect on a few things. Being there, in his supposed enemy's apartment, had given him an opportunity to understand the other man better. While he would never grasp Izaya's fascination with humans and being a troublemaker, he did learn other things about him as an individual.

_Izaya didn't eat very much. _

If he ever ate or drank anything, it was usually tea or traditional Japanese foods.  
But, there was recently a larger supply of food in the refrigerator since Shizuo had made himself a daily visitor.  
He also knew that Izaya never drank that much milk since high school, but there were suddenly several bottles available for Shizuo's taking as well...

_Izaya had a serious side._

Upon observing Izaya working, _actually_ doing his job, the informant wore glasses. He would usually get pretty absorbed into his tasks, eyes flicking from papers to his computer screen. It was always almost impossible to break his concentration.  
Not that Shizuo had ever really tried.  
He had never admitted it to himself, but that sort of Izaya looked almost...cute...

_Izaya enjoyed the simplest of things._

When he wasn't working, he would quietly read a book or sit nearby Shizuo (much to his surprise that the blond didn't mind the close proximity) and watch television.  
...Which were mostly children shows.

It was certainly one of the last things that Shizuo could have ever expected, but it was true. He had been an _unfortunate_ witness, as well as viewing companion, to Izaya's love of such television. But the more he watched, the more he found himself...enjoying them?

...Again, it was another sort of Izaya that was...adorable.

But Shizuo would deny ever having such an opinion if those thoughts were somehow found out.

_Izaya doing his job was a good form of entertainment._

That is, Izaya wasn't exactly aware that Shizuo thought this.  
Shizuo found amusement in some of the clients that came by, and the interactions between them and the informant.  
But, he also subconsciously kept a close eye on each and every individual who went in, his gut feeling telling him to do so. Although, then again, a majority of the clients behaved quite well since Shizuo would make his presence known...especially since the day that man had tried to hurt Izaya.  
Granted, Shizuo was wearing casual clothing nowadays and was therefore less recognizable, yet the fact that there was another person nearby made any potential threats towards the informant become weary.

All that aside, there was one last thing Shizuo took notice of regarding Izaya...and himself.

The more that Shizuo had been watching Izaya...the more that he found him sort of...pretty?  
...and the odd thing was, Shizuo didn't even scold himself this time for having such thoughts. He genuinely felt that Izaya was good-looking...

_Really_ good looking...

...and the more that Shizuo thought about it, the more he realized that he _may_ have actually found the raven attractive for quite a while...

...Meaning...for as long as they knew each other...

Their constant fights and Izaya's mischief making had made him blind to that before.

So when, for some reason, Izaya walked out of another room wearing nothing but lounging pants, a towel around his neck and his hair damp, it didn't help Shizuo's current disposition.

"Oh hey. You're earlier than usual... I just got out of the shower and came down for a clean shirt, so I'm going to finish getting dressed and then I'll be back out..."

Izaya didn't notice that his words had gone unheard, as the other occupant in the room wasn't exactly focusing on that right now...

Shizuo stared.

...and stared.

...Not able to control his body, he stood from the couch, strode over to the other male, trapping him between himself and the wall, his golden gaze staring intensely into a pair of confused scarlet.

* * *

**...**

**...So the next chapter is going to be quite...shall we say..._interesting_...**

**-Milarius**


	3. Chapter 3

**Lingering Doubts: Chapter 3**

* * *

"...Uh...Shizu-chan..." Izaya didn't seem at all fazed by the closeness, but that was only because it took a few moments to realize just _what kind_ of position they were in. Once it dawned on him, he immediately thought up an excuse to get away, before those _strange feelings_ got into his head again.

Yes.  
Izaya had been acting strange around the blond lately, because there was something inside of him continuously growing, which he was trying to deny. It had been going on for a few weeks, not long after their routine began.  
At first, he felt like a fool for having fallen for Shizuo so easily...but now, it was getting even more difficult to deny that truth.

"I have to get to the laundry room... What are you doi-..."

He was kept from speaking any more the moment he felt hot breath on his skin, his body instinctively tensing up. Shizuo had moved the towel out of the way, gently grazing the other's pale neck with his lips.

"...Shizu-chan..." His name was barely whispered then, Izaya's eyes beginning to close as he succumbed to the foreign sensation of someone touching his body.  
Using their mouth rather than their hands, no less.

But then, Shizuo did just that.  
His touches began to linger, gentle hands caressing Izaya's sides, sliding up to his neck and stroking his jaw. There was an involuntary shiver which traveled up his spine, the simple contact still making him feel strange.

_'...What...is this...?...'_

He could hardly think, let alone wonder how this situation came into being. He wasn't even able to comprehend why he suddenly felt himself floating...before he made gentle impact with a very familiar mattress underneath him.

Weren't they just downstairs in his living room? When had they gone upstairs to his bedroom?

It became obvious that Shizuo had carried him up there...and Izaya hardly noticed because he was so distracted by everything that was happening. It was effortless for the blond to lift him, almost as if Izaya were as light as a feather.

Shizuo was then hovering above him. Wide scarlet orbs stared back into a soft gaze, in turn somehow managing to relax the smaller male. Even if this might have caused him to go into a state of confusion...he found that he was actually becoming...alright with this...

_'...Shizuo... Why is he doing this? ...Is it possible that he might...feel the same?'_

He didn't know what to do or say...neither of them did, as this was all quite...unpredictable...even extraordinary.  
But what was even more unexpected, both of them knew that they wanted something...and it was something that they could only give to each other.

Perhaps...that was what drew them to one another in the first place?

But...before they could go any further, reality chose to interrupt their moment.  
Shizuo's eyes narrowed as he realized what he was doing...what he had done...and above all, just _who_ he was with.

It wasn't that he didn't want Izaya.  
After all, he was responsible for his previous actions. But even so, he was feeling like he shouldn't have done what he did.  
He was the one who pushed Izaya against the wall and started to touch him...and while there were seemingly no protests, it could be that the other was shocked...too shocked to know what to do.  
It could be that, just maybe, he was doing this against Izaya's will.

_'...What am I doing... I'm such an idiot... What if I'm taking advantage? ...I-'_

"I'd better go." Shizuo finally said, sitting up and turning away before he gave in and possibly made a huge mistake.

_'...I went too far... What if I accidentally hurt him? What if he's disgusted by what I did? What if I-'_

Slender fingers wrapped around his wrist, stopping him mid-thought.

"...Stay."

It was one word, that one simple word, echoing in Shizuo's mind to supply him some form of reassurance that he heard it right.

"...Wh-what?" It was almost whispered, the stunned blond turning back to face the other. "...After what I just did...you want me to stay." He stated simply, Izaya only able to open his mouth and close it, coming up with little to say to that. Shizuo took this opportunity to go on. "...You said before that...the thought of someone touching you made you sick. But...I stupidly acted before thinking and...I_ touched _you...yet you aren't...pushing me away."

This time, hearing the facts made a very obvious change of color appear on Izaya's face, skin quickly heating up as he realized the predicament he was currently in.

Aside from knowing that Shizuo was right.

Why wasn't he pushing him away?  
Here he was, someone was touching him, and he was actually _allowing_ it...and, dare he think, _liking_ it.

But he did know why...at least a little bit.  
Knowing this and somehow accepting it, he was able to offer some sort of reply to a waiting Shizuo.

"...Because...you're different..." He muttered as he admitted it, eyes flicking to the side and back.

Now it was Shizuo's turn for his face to heat up, although, he was still confused by what those words could possibly mean. There were several explanations that could be given, but he wanted the truth.

"...I am?" Shizuo blinked. "How?... Why?" Were the simple questions.

"...Yeah." Izaya kept his voice low, still hesitant with giving his reasoning. But he knew that Shizuo would probably not continue if he pretended to have been joking. That or...perhaps the blond would resort back to his old ways and get violent with him out of anger?

No. Regardless of all of the 'what ifs' going through Izaya's head, he decided that if Shizuo was attempting to do what he thought he might be doing, then giving him a straight answer wouldn't be so bad.  
Especially because he had a feeling Shizuo would probably like his answer.

"...We had talked about this before, when I said that you didn't know me. Then you proved that you...actually do know me... Sometimes I think more than I know myself," He began slowly. "...and with you I-...I don't mind this... Being close..."

While he was slightly proud to hear that he was regarded as such by Izaya, in Shizuo's opinion, this 'explanation' was still a little bit vague. But he assumed that the other male, perhaps, had his reasons for why that was.  
Luckily for him, Izaya wasn't quite done talking.

"...You're different...because you've always been an exception. Since day one." Izaya finished, feeling the wavering silence in the air as there was nothing but that, aside from his own heartbeat, which he could hear pounding in his ears.

Letting all of that sink in, a baffled Shizuo stared down, deemed speechless. Izaya wondered then if he -maybe- shouldn't have said the things he did, worrisome thoughts going through his mind, until-"...Izaya... Are you saying that you-... You've never been...uncomfortable...repulsed...or even scared...around me?"

"...I've never been afraid of you..." He practically whispered, his hand gently going to the side of the blond's face. "...Shizuo."

The moment that he heard his full name grace those silky lips, he felt temptation rising. The temptation to show all of the overwhelming emotions running through his body...to somehow let Izaya know just how happy he was...and to share that happiness with the very person who caused it...

He gazed downward, his vision meeting the very unexpectedly _appealing_ sight of Izaya, hair slightly disheveled, eyes half lidded, arms on either side of his head and palms facing up.  
Shizuo didn't need to hear anymore of an invitation; the very sight of Izaya was enough.

Going slow, Shizuo went back to where they had left off. His lips met cool skin once more, taking time to explore their new-found territory. He paused at the crook of Izaya's neck, letting his tongue flick against it for a little taste, before he left a gentle kiss.

_'...Hm...not bad...'_

Shizuo didn't know why he was doing this, but he didn't want to stop.

"Izaya..." He breathed out. "...Mm..." He nuzzled his nose against the soft black hair, taking an inhale and smiling. "...Smells good..."

"...H-huh..." Izaya wasn't able to think very clearly until he heard that comment. He did understand the other's words in that one moment, and he opened his eyes. "...I thought you...hated it..."

"...Nah...smells good... Really good..." He licked at the soft skin of Izaya's neck. "...Taste good too..."

Izaya flinched once Shizuo's tongue was on his skin once more, the warm muscle licking and lips sucking at a particular spot that left him gasping and shivering in delight.  
If he didn't know any better, he'd think that this wasn't the first time Shizuo was doing this with him, given by how well Izaya's body was reacting to each and every touch. There were places that Izaya didn't even know he was sensitive, and the blond found them with ease. He watched the expressions on the younger man's face after each touch, pleased to see nothing but indications that Izaya was enjoying this.

Their hands met, fingers intertwining on contact.

Shizuo continued to wander, just exploring the expanse of Izaya's upper body with his mouth, not at all being forceful and making sure to be as delicate as possible. He paid close attention to every single reaction, where touching certain places caused the strongest shivers or the loudest gasps. He kept kissing around his neck and collarbone, traveling across his shoulders.  
It was quite peculiar what the blond was doing, though he was enjoying himself, just taking his time. Izaya wondered what exactly Shizuo was attempting, or what he might be thinking of doing. Shizuo didn't seem to be in a hurry with his actions, and it was then that Izaya realized...

Shizuo was testing his limitations.

It was no secret that Shizuo had never been close to anyone like this before, his fear of harming them the overall reason. So the fact that he was actually giving it a try, with Izaya, of all people, made him feel quite special.  
Maybe it was because Shizuo knew that Izaya wasn't afraid of him, and, after all of their fights, he proved to be quite indestructible.  
...To an extent.

So far, Shizuo was doing a pretty good job, eliciting the right reactions from the male underneath him. Izaya was unable to hold back his soft gasps, his numerous shivers, as well as the occasional muttering of the blond's name.  
They weren't at all going any further than Shizuo's light touches, and it was already driving Izaya crazy.

Eventually, Shizuo finally ceased his ministrations, quite content with what he had achieved.  
Having taken several thorough looks over Izaya's bare torso, he found no bruising, no signs of anything being broken, and the other male didn't seem to be in any sort of pain.  
This gave Shizuo the largest smile on his face, knowing that he was actually capable of being this gentle with another person.

"...Shizuo?" Izaya let out breathlessly, eyes searching a pair of gold, finding some sort of a silent message in their wake.

_'...He looks...really happy...'_

The more that the brunet looked at him, he could feel his own soft smile surface. Seeing Shizuo smile..._really_ smile...made a strange surge of joy bubble up inside the smaller male's chest.

He felt happy...because Shizuo was.

There were no further words exchanged after that. Izaya didn't need to ask anything more, and Shizuo didn't need to say anything for the other to know what was on his mind.

Izaya never got another chance to retrieve a clean shirt.

...Not that he would be needing one, anyway.

* * *

The room was soon filled with nothing but the sounds of breathing and quiet moans, most of which were coming from the smaller male.  
Shizuo stroked Izaya's arousal at a leisurely pace, settling his face against his neck and gently sucking at the skin.  
This time, he didn't hold back leaving a few marks, now knowing that he wouldn't hurt his soon-to-be lover.

In the midst of his pleasure, Izaya attempted to speak, although he was uncertain about whether he should say what was on his mind. It was part of being nervous and the slight embarrassment that usually accompanied what they were going to do, after all. Even more so because this was the first time Izaya was experiencing this...

"Sh-Shizuo...w-wait..."

"...What is it?"

The words were spoken softly, Shizuo giving him a look of patience and...something else that Izaya couldn't quite recognize. It almost looked like-...

...No...it couldn't be...

...Shizuo had never looked at him like that before.  
If it was what Izaya was guessing, then...was the blond really capable of feeling such a way? Especially towards Izaya?

Regardless, all Izaya knew was that he had nothing to fear. He felt safe there, alone with his supposed rival...and he wanted Shizuo to stay and keep that feeling of security afloat.

"...Shizuo, I-..."

Eyes met, half-lidded and...  
There it was.  
They were full of desire...desire only for each other.

"...I-..."

That was all it took for Izaya to completely forget what he was going to say. Though, he never needed to finish, as Shizuo seemed to understand exactly what had been on his mind.

_'...I want you.'_

All anxiety melted away in that window of time.

On instinct, they slowly leaned in, eyes sliding shut the moment just before they could taste one another's breath.  
Then, ever-so-softly, lips brushed...

...and not a second later, it evolved.

One touch...one spark was all it took to jump-start their locked away passions.

They wanted more.  
_Needed_ more.

But even _more_ wouldn't be enough for their further igniting flames.

They gave everything that they possibly could, stopping the last of their concerns.

Shizuo was extremely glad for the lack of clothing, as they had discarded it all earlier when they had silently confirmed their desire to do this. Taking full advantage of this opportunity, he sat up and pulled Izaya close, carefully positioning the slender legs around his waist, thankful to feel them securely lock in place. Once that was done, he began to gently rock their hips together. The newly-created friction caused Izaya to cry out, throwing his head back with widened eyes, the hold of his legs around Shizuo tightening even further. Shizuo groaned quietly, burying his face into the warm neck and lightly biting down at the pale skin as he continued to join their growing arousals with each movement.

Before he felt the buildup of pressure increase to a point of no return, Shizuo forced himself to halt his actions, still keeping Izaya's body against his. The raven-haired, who also had been close, slowly opened his eyes, catching his breath. Shizuo gave him an apologetic smile, licking at Izaya's lips before gently pressing two fingers to them. Not a second was wasted, his mouth instantly taking in each finger, running his tongue along them in an almost teasing manner. Shizuo could feel himself twitch, uncertain of just how much longer he could hold out like this.

When he felt that his fingers had been coated well enough, he removed them and leaned in, slowly initiating another kiss, used to serve as some form of a distraction for what he was about to do. As Izaya kissed him in return, Shizuo held the smaller body closer, sliding his hand down the smooth back before he reached round flesh. With a pleased smile, he found his goal, cautiously slipping the tip of his middle finger inside.

Izaya's body instinctively tensed the moment he felt the intruder, but his mind knew what it was as soon as it had happened. His body just wasn't used to this, after all. He willed himself to relax, wanting this process to go by with ease, for both of their sakes.

Shizuo felt Izaya's insides loosen up as he continued to prepare him. It wasn't long before he entered his second finger, continuing on just as before...and spreading his fingers inside.

This time, Izaya's breath hitched and his body stiffened, causing Shizuo to momentarily stop his movements.

"...Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" Shizuo whispered with concern, earning him a quick shake of the head.

"N-not at all... Keep going..." Izaya let out with a shudder. The blond only stared, still slightly worried. But since he was told to go on, he did just that.

The same look remained on Izaya's face, his eyes widening practically every time Shizuo's fingers thrust inside...

..._Oh_.

...They were brushing against _something_...

Shizuo then knew what it had to be.

Now that he was aware that he had found the right spot, he left a quick kiss upon Izaya's jaw, slowly retracting his fingers. Gazes meeting for one last look of confirmation that they really did want this, Shizuo was glad to find the very same look of want and need reflected in Izaya's eyes. Taking that as his consent, he positioned himself at the entrance, holding Izaya right up against him. Izaya shivered in anticipation, biting his lower lip and resting his face against Shizuo's neck as his arms snaked around him as well. He knew what was about to happen, and there was no turning back now.

Going slow, Shizuo carefully guided Izaya down with great concentration, to make sure that everything was going right. Even if he had been confident before, there was a difference, since he wasn't just touching Izaya on the outside this time. He was going to be _inside_ of him, and he had no idea what could happen if he possibly lost control in the middle of their passions.  
All he could do was keep a conscious hold on that strength the whole time, and make absolutely certain not to let go of it.

Shizuo felt himself push past the muscle, his lover panting as he held on even tighter, gradually adjusting to the very foreign feeling of something inside of him. There were slight tears on the corners of those beautiful scarlet orbs, which were promptly kissed away.

"...Izaya..." His name was whispered, his watery gaze meeting another concerned stare. "...Does it hurt?"  
There was a quick nod, though Izaya was still being stubborn as he converted it into a shake of his head. Shizuo gave him a kind smile, rubbing a hand up and down his spine to try and help with relaxing him. "...Should we stop? We don't have to do it this way..."  
There were several other ways for them to do this, although, Shizuo's body was debating with his mind over his own suggestion.  
But he forced himself to keep absolutely still as he waited for a response.

"...N-no..." Izaya managed to whimper out. "...I-I want to..."

As if to prove his point as well as his ambition, without warning, he forced himself all the way down.

Both gasped out in unison as their bodies met, joined together for the very first time.

Yet...

Izaya soon experienced the consequences of his rash actions, holding back another whimper and hissing in slight pain. It wasn't exactly painful in the sense that he couldn't bare it, but it still did hurt thanks to his rushed decision.

"...I-Izaya..." Shizuo kept his face pressed against the soft skin of Izaya's neck, using all of his willpower to stay absolutely put and not move. He knew that this had to be hurting, but holding back while being surrounded by the tight heat was just as difficult.  
Even so, he wouldn't allow himself to go on until his lover was ready.

It happened sooner than he thought.

The smaller male lifted his hips up, using Shizuo's shoulders as his leverage, then brought himself down once more. That sudden friction nearly broke the resistance the blond had on himself, and it was only until Izaya did it _again_ that the barrier knocked down entirely. He rolled his hips upward so Izaya didn't have to do all of the work, groaning softly once they both got a rhythm going. Shizuo kept a gentle hold on the smaller body as he thrust into the tight heat, the earlier limitations on his strength thankfully still in place.

Their movements gradually got more desperate.

Izaya definitely seemed to no longer be in any sort of pain. If anything, it was the complete opposite. Shizuo was certain that he was hitting the _perfect_ spot every single time, hearing loud gasps and a series of moans as his reward. The raven-haired clung to him as if life itself depended on it, whimpering near Shizuo's ear. This only heightened the growing pressure building up inside.

Shizuo realized that a certain part of Izaya's had been long neglected throughout all of this. Not wanting that to be the case any longer, he touched his fingers to the sensitive arousal, before wrapping them around it fully, stroking in time with his eager thrusts.  
Izaya's eyes widened as even more sensation racked through his entire body, the combination of penetration and stimulation almost too much. He didn't know how much longer he'd be able to last...

Seconds later, he reached his peak.

Stars exploded in his vision, his body shuddering as he came, his instinct to blindly seek out Shizuo's lips with his own and initiate a needy kiss. It was returned with just as much passion as Shizuo felt his own climax rising, and as a result of Izaya's, the surrounding heat clenched and unclenched around Shizuo's need. Sensing that his lover wasn't far behind, Izaya locked his legs around the his waist. He knew what would happen as a result and didn't care about the consequences, wanting to feel it.  
In that instant, Shizuo's mind went blank, and he gave one final thrust before he finally released inside.

They enjoyed the afterglow together, their kisses and touches slow...gentle.  
Izaya was soon brought down onto the mattress beside his lover. Both shivered as Shizuo carefully pulled out, then sighing a content sigh, draping the bed sheets over their naked bodies. Izaya closed his eyes with a peaceful smile as he was hugged closer, in turn, nuzzling his lips against Shizuo's. It was returned just as tenderly...before they felt tiredness loom over them.

Then, just like that, they fell asleep in each other's arms, for the remainder of the afternoon.

* * *

******(¬‿¬)**

**-Milarius**


	4. Chapter 4

**Lingering Doubts: Chapter 4**

* * *

Two weeks went by in a flash.  
The debt-collecting agency was soon back in business after it's owner's temporary break, which meant...Shizuo had to go back to work.

However, his visits to Shinjuku never stopped.

He would come by daily, though much later than he used to.  
But instead of his original reason for showing up each day, his intentions were now far more different.

He truly was no longer worried about Izaya causing trouble...in fact, it hardly ever crossed his mind. Because of that, there was no need for him to lounge around that apartment all day.  
Aside from him being unable to anyway, due to having work again.

The same pattern went on for several weeks after that.  
Shizuo would come by, Izaya would practically tackle the blond the moment he walked in and allow himself to be carried off to the usual place of their preference; the bedroom.

Things were definitely much different than before.

* * *

The blond was sitting in his usual spot on the couch, Izaya at his usual area at the desk, this going to be one of his 'recovery' days. Shizuo had just finished a very _heated_ shower with the raven...and was going to head home soon, since he had stayed the night. 

The pair had a silent and mutual understanding that they didn't like these sorts of days.

It wasn't because they had to abstain from their 'activities', but rather, there was a small problem _because_ they were abstaining. A problem that might be thought as quite unlikely due to their changed routine.

...When they weren't sleeping together, things were very...different.

Or rather, it was what _wasn't_ different...what hadn't changed contrary to their countless nights of passion.

They would still have fights...or rather, arguments...and though they were usually small, they'd sometimes be over the most ridiculous of things.

Now, somehow in the midst of such unfortunate conflict, one good thing seemed to come of it.  
Shizuo's otherwise violent nature had morphed into a state of calm when he was around the informant. He found himself unable to snap or get easily annoyed, although, Izaya did little to irk him like he use to.  
Instead, being around the raven so much had created a sort of understanding for the other male. He simply no longer felt the need to get violent.

But, even so, that didn't stop their bickering.  
Their 'fights' would usually come out of nowhere, and Izaya had began to suspect that it was a result of boredom.  
That was all they ever did before they started sleeping with each other, and it seemed that being intimate with the other male did little to contribute to the possibility of any decent sort of conversation on days they chose to 'rest'.

However, the reality was one that neither of them could figure out.

It was, simply, that they didn't know _how_ to talk to one another. The familiar sense of their dreaded past was still lingering, and was, unfortunately, the only way they knew.  
It was somehow oddly comfortable because it was how it always had been...but at the same time, it left them feeling regret for what was said at the end of the day.  
While they had abandoned their physical battles, the rivalry still hadn't exactly left their systems.

They had tried to restrain themselves when they could, but...when they weren't speaking, they would just sit in cold silence as they occupied themselves with separate activities.  
It left them both with even more regret.

Shizuo could have avoided showing up on these days, but...well, he still went over because it was just a habit at this point. Not coming over seemed odd and out of the question...and it wasn't like he had anything better to do at his own apartment.  
But there was another reason he kept on showing up, even if it wasn't to sleep with the informant. It was something that had been circulating in Shizuo's mind for a while. He still had the desire to protect what was his, so to speak. After witnessing someone trying to harm Izaya, something inside of him had clicked, and protecting the informant had become a permanent priority.

"Izaya, you remember that guy who came here and tried to...attack you?"

"...Mhm... How could I forget?"

There was a small sigh. "Well, aren't you worried about that happening again? I mean, usually people don't try anything, but... Who says it won't happen again? I'm not here all the time and-"

"You think that I can't protect myself?" Scarlet eyes directed their gaze onto Shizuo.

"No! ...No, that's not what I'm saying at all." Shizuo sighed again. "...I just kinda...worry...ya know..." The last words were mumbled, Izaya just barely catching them.

But Izaya did hear them, and it was then that he realized the whole nature of this concern being brought to light.  
Was Shizuo saying that he actually...cared? About _him_?

...and, it was to a point that he was worried when he couldn't be around?

Izaya couldn't find a valid argument for it. Shizuo was only occupied with his safety, and that actually made him really happy.  
Though, he didn't want to admit that.

"...Next time you go meet one of your clients outside of here, I want to come with."

_'...What did he just say?'_ Izaya frowned. "Come with? As in, come with me?"

Shizuo nodded with a blank stare. "What else would that mean?"

While his intentions were reasonable, Izaya still wasn't sure about this idea. "...Why?"

"I just want to make sure no one tries anything. You said yourself that those clients were even more dangerous than the ones you meet with here."

"Shizuo, I can handle myself just fine. I've come back without a scratch every single time. You're deciding all of this based on one person who attacked me. But he failed and-"

"That's because I was there to stop him. If I wasn't, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You'd either have brain damage, or be dead." Shizuo stood up, not wanting this to be a debate anymore. "I got work soon."

He passed by the desk, receiving no reply. He turned to face the brunet when he got to the door.

"Look, Izaya. I know that you can handle yourself just fine, so I'll respect your decision in the end if it's about you and your own well-being. But since I'm kind of around all the time, your well-being has become my responsibility as well." He turned the knob to open it. "Just remember that." Shizuo spoke softly, then went through the door, and was gone.

Izaya would have ran after him, but he was stuck there, just thinking about everything that was said.

"...Why do you care so much?" He whispered to his now-empty apartment. "Why are you doing this to me _now_? I thought that you only came here for one thing..." He let out a long sigh.

_'If Shizuo knew I actually appreciated that he cared about my life, what would he say?'_

* * *

Work wasn't as stressful that day for the blond. Everyone paid up quickly and without a fuss. It saved Shizuo the trouble of blowing up with anger and possibly having to throw something...or someone.

After he got off work, he headed towards a convenience store to grab a small snack. He was planning on going back to Shinjuku in the evening to see Izaya, and maybe..._possibly_ try to avoid an argument for once. They could also have dinner together, although, it would probably be without conversation...as usual.

But a meal was a meal.

He nibbled on the last of his onigiri, popping the final bite into his mouth and chewing slowly. Then, he rolled up the wrapper in his hands, tossing it into a nearby trashcan. When that was done, he lifted his head and looked around, his eyes suddenly falling onto a particular sight...

_'...Izaya?'_

Shizuo walked away from the wall he had been leaning on before, going in for a closer look. Obviously, it was Izaya, though to Shizuo's knowledge, he hadn't been in Ikebukuro for a while.

The informant seemed to be waiting for someone. He was by a random shop, staring at his phone, before Shizuo noticed a taller guy approach him. The man greeted Izaya, grinning in a weird way and getting a little bit _too_ close to the raven for Shizuo's liking.  
Instantly, he felt his eye twitch, his hand curling into a fist.

_'What the hell...'_

He watched in silence, keeping his attention on the other male. Izaya seemed to find that man indifferent, and Shizuo could sense that he was even slightly irritated.  
But then, right after the man finished saying something, Izaya's face changed from one of boredom, and he smiled.

Shizuo felt a growl rising in his throat.

_'...Why is he smiling with this guy-! Hey where is he going?'_

The guy was coaxing Izaya into a nearby alleyway, and, much to Shizuo's protest, Izaya began following.  
Quickly, Shizuo also followed, but still maintained a good distance. He hid behind a wall, which turned into the alleyway where the other two had gone. This way, Shizuo could listen in to what was going on.

"Alright, no one should be able to see us." It was an unfamiliar voice, obviously the other guy.  
But what had been _said_ was slowly pissing the blond off even more.  
It practically screamed that this guy was bad news.

"Yeah yeah. Anyway, here we are."

There was Izaya's voice.

Shizuo noticed a strange feeling in his chest when he heard that voice again after not hearing it for several hours, almost as if some sort of longing inside of him had been satisfied...  
He felt the urge to approach Izaya and take him into his arms, hold him close and run fingers through his soft black hair...

"If you're caught then you'll be in trouble. So hurry it up and get it over with."

Shizuo's chest tightened.

_'...Caught? ...Get it over with? ...What...what the hell is going on?!'_

The man chuckled, and it sounded unpleasantly sickening. "Right, I have what you want. But, there's a price for the information."

Wait...  
So this was just an exchange for Izaya's work?

"I only pay with money. Don't expect anything else." Came the stern response. Shizuo raised an eyebrow, peeking around the corner to see...  
Izaya was almost against the wall, keeping his guard up as the taller man came uncomfortably close...coming closer...

The informant felt for the familiar cool handle of his blade, safely stored in his pocket, preparing himself and fully ready to use his weapon-

"I think that's far enough."

The man flinched at the sound of another voice, feeling a sudden strong grip on his shoulder. He stumbled backward as Shizuo lightly pushed him towards the other side of the alley, the man's back meeting the opposite wall. Once he collected himself, his eyes widened and fear was written all over his face when he saw just _who_ was standing in front of him.

Clearly, he knew who Shizuo was.

"You gonna give the information or not? You heard him, cash _only_." Shizuo was standing right in front of Izaya, one hand gently resting on the raven's chest and keeping him at bay, his other hand on his own hip as he stared the man down through his blue shades.

"Y-yeah! Yeah, h-here, now please just let me go," The man stuttered, holding out a small envelope with a trembling hand. Shizuo smirked widely, eyes never leaving the man as his hand closest to Izaya motioned for his part of the deal. Izaya, still getting over the fact that Shizuo was right there, having appeared out of the blue, just watched him with a blank expression as he silently placed his envelope with cash into the outstretched hand. Shizuo smiled as he felt the paper in his hand, glad that Izaya understood his silent request. But that smile then turned into a dark grin as he exchanged envelopes with the man.

"There. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" He asked with the same grin, the man quickly nodding his head and not saying another word as he took off in the opposite direction. Shizuo would have grabbed him and given him one last threat, but, he decided that it wasn't worth it. He figured he got a good enough scare into that guy already.

"Tch, bastard. He didn't deserve to get anything after what he tried to pull." Shizuo turned around to face the informant, only to be met by a strange look on the other's face.

"...Izaya?"

"...You didn't have to do that, you know." Was the response, spoken quietly and firmly.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, standing inches away from the raven. "...Why not?"

Izaya lifted his head with a frown, his eyes narrowing. "You followed me, didn't you." It wasn't even in the form of a question, stated more as a fact... "I told you that I could handle myself, but you still-" Scarlet orbs widened when he got a sudden thought. "...You don't-... You still don't trust me, do you?"

"Izaya I-"

"No, you followed me because you think I'm up to no good...and, you might think those rumors are actually true now, right? Even though you said you didn't believe them..." He lowered his head. "You don't...you don't trust me..." There was sadness in his voice, in his face, and the appearance alone made Shizuo's heart drop.

"Izaya, you're jumping to conclusions." Shizuo finally managed to get a word in.

"Oh, am I?" Izaya scoffed, crossing his arms and looking to the side.

"Yeah, I think you are. You aren't making any sense. It's not like I followed you around today, I just happened to see you nearby and saw what was going on. That guy was clearly going to try something, you _clearly_ didn't want that, and I stepped in before he could get closer." He let out a short sigh. "Izaya, we already discussed how I never believed those rumors...and I still don't, especially with how uncomfortable you looked. And anyway, how do you get me not trusting you out of me trying to help you?" He also crossed his arms, watching Izaya through his sunglasses.

Izaya took everything said into account, sighing softly as he let himself internally calm down. He understood why Shizuo did it, but he couldn't help feeling like there was still some mistrust somewhere...

"...Like I said, I could handle myself. You're forgetting about my knives. If you hadn't shown up, that guy would have a knife at his throat had he taken a step closer. The exchange of information would have gone smoothly after that and I'd be on my way home by now."

Shizuo was quiet for a long moment, before he made a mental decision, and slowly nodded his head. "...I see. Well, alright then."

Izaya lifted his head. "Huh?" No yelling, no anger... Shizuo was surprisingly calm and quick to accept the situation. "...Well...yeah..." Shizuo gave him nothing to argue with, and for once, Izaya found himself at a loss for words.

"Hey... do you remember what I said earlier, about how when it comes to you, I do...trust your decisions...if they're for _you_?" Shizuo slowly took a step backward, turning his body to the side. "...But I also said that your well-being...is my responsibility now."

"...Yeah." Izaya stayed against the wall, gaze never leaving the blond. He remembered clearly what had been said that morning, and even though he had understood, he didn't know the exact significance of it.  
Part of him was somewhat afraid to ask.  
So he avoided asking.

"...I know what I'm doing, and you should know better than anyone that I take care to be prepared for almost anything. I've dealt with worse situations and still gotten out alive..." His eyes flicked to the side, slightly indicating their past.

Shizuo only nodded once. "Mhm."

Izaya blinked at such a simple response. Not knowing how to reply, he shook his head as he decided to direct the conversation back to it's main topic. "...So..." He placed a hand into his pocket, attention fully back on Shizuo. "...I have another meetup with someone soon..." He watched the other's face carefully, wondering how his companion would react. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was actually hoping Shizuo would tag along this time, and he seemed to insist upon going in the first place. Izaya had just been being stubborn about having been helped before...

"...Right."

...Much to his surprise, Shizuo only turned his body away, putting a hand up instead.

"See ya, flea."

Then he was walking.

Izaya stared after him in silence, the only sound heard being the footsteps echoing in the alley as the other individual grew further and further away.

"...Wait, where are you going?" Izaya took a step forward. "...Shizu-chan!" He called out, but whether his name was heard or not, the blond didn't stop.

Izaya was now completely alone in the alley.

"...Shi...zuo?..."

Shizuo was out of sight, having turned the corner and headed in the opposite direction.  
He felt bad about what he had just done, but he did have a reason.

Izaya doubted that he trusted him, so he was showing him that he did trust him by letting the stubborn informant do his own thing. He had said he was meeting another client, and he claimed he could handle himself...

But...while Shizuo had made it appear that he was leaving, he actually planned to follow Izaya again to see where this next client would be. If that one was as bad as the first guy, Shizuo would probably end up carrying Izaya around for any more meetings that he might have...well, the idea was appealing to him, at least.

_'I don't care how long he's been dealing with this shit...and I especially don't care if he thinks he can handle it by himself. It's a miracle he hasn't gotten killed, or drugged for that matter...' _Shizuo sighed._ 'But then again, it's possible he's dealt with stuff pretty close to that. I don't know for sure, and there's no way he's going to just talk about it since he doesn't like looking weak... Even around me...' _Golden eyes narrowed._ 'Especially around me.'_

* * *

Eventually, sighing in defeat, Izaya left the alleyway and headed to the next meeting place for another client.

He wasn't as worried about what could happen like before, since there would be several people in the general area this time.  
Problems were usually avoided if there were more around as potential witnesses.

He knew that his lifestyle was dangerous, career choice included. But he was well-equip with his knives, as well as his weaponry skills. He was also quite good at running away, if need be. Shizuo was to thank for that, and all of their practice had paid off.

So, Izaya couldn't help defending his own abilities when Shizuo questioned them...especially because Shizuo should know better than anyone that Izaya was more than capable of dealing with these situations.

It still irritated the raven to an extent, even though he had managed to figure out just _why_ Shizuo was so concerned...and he understood.

They had a strange relationship right now, and because of it, Shizuo was probably feeling all the more territorial. He had been that way when there were clients in the apartment, when that man had tried to kill Izaya, and then most recently, when the other man tried to get more than just money for the information he was selling. So Izaya didn't doubt his observations... He knew Shizuo really did care about his well-being.

Izaya finally made it to his next destination, the client not at all requesting that they move elsewhere. This relieved the informant as he swiftly made his trade, storing the envelope away in his pocket and parting ways.  
What he didn't suspect was the person watching from down the street, remaining hidden amongst the small crowd of people.

_'...Good. That guy didn't try anything. If he did, I'd throw him into a wall...maybe break something...'_

Shizuo smiled to himself, folding his sunglasses and storing them into his vest pocket, continuing to follow the informant from a safe distance for the rest of the day.

Izaya might have been smarter than him, but he couldn't detect the other's presence as easily.

Especially because he lacked the blond's strong sense of smell...which found Izaya's scent absolutely irresistible.

* * *

**(ノ￣ー￣)ノ**

**-Milarius**


	5. Chapter 5

**Lingering Doubts: Chapter 5**

* * *

Shizuo was currently in a situation that he originally thought to be impossible.

One person he never believed could get on his nerves...was doing just that.

Celty was his best friend, and never before had she managed to piss Shizuo off...part of the reason why he appreciated her friendship.

However, right now, she was bombarding him with questions, and honestly, he was getting annoyed. Especially because he didn't want to have to answer any of them...

**"Then, why do you continue to stay the night with him, if he irritates you so much?"**

The conversation had started when Celty saw her friend walking down the street. She parked her shadow motorbike alongside a building wall, then approached him, greeting him as usual...

...Until she almost instantly steered the conversation and asked about a _certain informant_...

Shizuo had tried to play it off, acting oblivious to Celty's questioning at first, as well as _trying_ to act like his old self...as if he still hated the 'flea'. He threw several excuses her way as to why she shouldn't talk about him...

However, his past anger with said man had long gone, and Celty made no mistake in noticing that in Shizuo's voice and behavior.

Especially because there was something else she knew about Shizuo...something that he thought was a well-kept secret.

According to her observations, Izaya hadn't been spending very much time alone as of late, as a particular blond had been spotted by the dullahan...wandering in and out of the informant's building quite frequently. Even if he wore 'casual' clothing, Celty knew her friend well enough to know it was him.

"...W-well, it's because-... You know, _he_ doesn't exactly piss me off anymore...and...I uh-... Hey wait, how do you know about that?!"

It had just occurred to him that there was no way Celty could know about him and Izaya...but somehow, she did.

Aside from that, Shizuo's initial question went ignored as a PDA was swiftly pressed into his face.

**"You don't hate him."**

"...I never s-said otherwise...and anyway. You didn't answer my question!"

The dullahan shrugged her shoulders and waved her hand at her friend, showing him the screen once more. **"I've seen you walk in and out of his apartment building several times. Night in, day out. It's not too difficult to figure out what's going on."**

When she pointed out her findings, Shizuo knew that he couldn't hide the truth any longer.

"...W-well, maybe I was there to just-...just-..." Sigh. _'Dammit...'_

**"Just...what?"** Was the typed rebuttal, as Shizuo was taking a little bit _too_ long to finish his sentence.

He only sighed again...and had to admit defeat right then and there. Celty wasn't going to stop, and he knew that she knew...well, everything.

She was right. It wasn't that difficult to piece together.

**"While this was probably one of the last things I could ever have expected, I still wish you two good luck."**

The blond's mouth hung open as he read Celty's words, only for him to shut it with a tilt of his head. Even though they were unspoken and only typed on the screen of her phone, Shizuo could still tell that they were, at least, genuine.

"...W-wait...so you're saying that you-..." Shizuo let out a breath he didn't know he was holding in, one of relief, a sense which flooded through him.

**"I can't believe I'm saying this, but, he really does suit you, and he has seemingly brightened your mood lately. Things that use to easily get on your nerves hardly bother you anymore. Overall, you just seem...happier. You deserve to be happy, so, just don't mess it up."**

Shizuo reread the words a couple times, also confirming to himself that she was right about that, too.

He really was happier. Happier than he could ever remember last feeling.

**"It's not only you. When I did a few deliveries for him, I noticed a few changes...in a good way. For some reason, he doesn't creep me out as much as he use to. Oh, and there's always this smile on his face, and it's actually a nice smile. It's something I didn't know Izaya was actually capable of. I know that you have to be the reason for that."**

The blond had to look over that paragraph a couple of times. "Izaya?" He couldn't hold back a smile of his own when he realized that he was the cause of Izaya's different behavior. "Really?"

**"Yes...but,"**

Celty had to pause, receiving a text message from a demanding and affectionately clingy doctor. She made a sighing motion with her shoulders, responding to him, then resumed typing up what she had wanted to say to her friend.

**"Sorry. Anyway, there is another thing. While I know that you're the reason he's smiling like that lately, you do need to know something..."**

Shizuo frowned. "Know _what_?"

Celty typed up something, seemingly hesitant, erasing a few things and then going back to typing. Eventually, she showed her device to a waiting blond.

**"Alright, so, I knew of your daily visits before this happened. So that's how I could tell the reason for his new attitude. However, when I actually _mentioned_ you, to try and see if he'd confirm my suspicions for certain, he...stopped smiling and,"**

She typed up the rest of it, not wanting to present all of it in one go. She wanted to be careful with her words, for the sake of Shizuo's feelings.

**"He didn't deny anything, but he was looking kind of sad. So I asked him why he was feeling that way when he had just seemed happy moments before, and he said it was nothing...at first. But I pressed on, and eventually, I got him to open up a little more."**

This was a great concern for Shizuo. What exactly was Celty trying to say? Or rather, why was Izaya acting that way?

**"Shizuo, Izaya's upset, because he's confused. You've been going over there for months now, doing the same thing with him. But then he brought up something you had said several days ago, about how you were looking out for him. That actually made him really happy."**

"...He's...he's _confused_?" He frowned, trying to fathom how that could be, even after Celty told him that Izaya was happy about what he had said. "...What I told him...made him happy? Huh..."

Shizuo remained quiet after that, his eyes narrowing as he recalled that day...and the events following after it. But, hadn't Izaya seemed upset about what he said? He thought Shizuo didn't trust him, and then he got angry... Although, once Shizuo had repeated those words again in the alley, Izaya seemed to have calmed down.

...Yet, Shizuo left him alone anyway, only to keep a watchful eye on him from afar without him knowing.

That was the issue. Izaya didn't know he had been following him the rest of the day. In the end, Shizuo had just gone home, and he didn't go to Shinjuku.

**"Up until that point, Izaya only thought that you were coming over for one purpose. But then there was something about a client and an alley...I don't really remember. Regardless, that's why he's confused. He seemed to be unhappy with how things had been going up until then."**

She swiped her fingers across the screen.

**"I suggest that you talk to him about this once and for all. Like I said, it's clear that you don't hate him, and he obviously doesn't hate you. In fact, I'd say there's something else entirely that you two need to figure out for yourselves."**

She erased and tapped her fingers as she typed even faster.

**"Anyway, I have to get back home. Shinra's being impatient, as usual. I'll see you later, and you can let me know how everything went."**

With that, Celty put her PDA away, waving as a blank-faced Shizuo put a hand up in goodbye as well. Then, the shadow motorbike sped around the corner, and was gone.

* * *

It was evening. Shizuo was in the kitchen of Izaya's apartment, finishing off a glass of milk. He eventually came back over since he felt like he needed to deal with this confrontation...and fast. His previous conversation with the dullahan was fresh in his mind, and he had come to several more conclusions about what his friend thought.

_'She knows that we are sneaking around...and, well, Izaya and me aren't exactly open about being together-...wait...' _

He set his glass down onto the counter.

_'So...are we together? I mean sure, I come over pretty much everyday... We do it...a lot...' _Shizuo's face heat up slightly at the thought. _'He gave me a key...he lets me hang around and we sometimes cook and eat together... Hell, I practically live here!'_

Shizuo decided that he couldn't hold back on speaking his thoughts any longer.

_'It's just that... There's all of this miscommunication. I thought that we sort of...I don't know...were in some sort of relationship. But apparently, this whole time, Izaya thought that I only came over here to sleep with him... As if I was using him...' _

He sighed quietly.

_'...We've never actually talked about it...and that's the problem.'_

"...Hey...Izaya..."

"...Yeah?" The informant asked bluntly, focused on a task on his computer screen. He was slightly pissed off that Shizuo had come back after having left him in the alley like that, though he had been unaware that Shizuo had followed him the rest of that day. Still, he allowed Shizuo to come back in. There was no use trying to stop him. He did have a key, and his strength.

But overall, Izaya was upset that their atmosphere was pretty much back to how it had been in the very beginning.

"...I was wondering something..." Shizuo frowned, trying to think of a way to subtly bring up the topic. "…Are we ever gonna...tell anyone?"

"What of, Shizu-chan?" Slim fingers moved across the keyboard, then settling on one key, pressing it hard.

"...About...you know..." Shizuo mumbled. "...Us."

Izaya stood up from his desk with narrowed eyes, slowly removing his glasses. "_Us_?"

"...Y-yeah...uh...never mind. You know what, forget I said anything."

"...Wait, wait... Shizuo?"

"...What?"

"...Why do you ask that? I mean...correct me if I'm wrong, but...you want people to know what...we've been _doing_?"

"No! N-no...not like that...shit, how do I say it..." Shizuo gulped. "...Eh..."

Izaya cocked his head with a curious stare. "Even I know that you wouldn't want the public to know of our _many_ nights togeth-"

"Izaya!"

"...Huh? Is that not it?" The raven teasingly challenged with glinting eyes and a small smirk. "Then, what is it? Please, do tell, _Shizu-chan_."

He would have pushed further, the temptation oh-so-great, but...

...His smile instantly fell when he saw the almost..._defeated_ look on the other male's face.

Why would he give him such a look-?...

...Wait...

Ah.

It was because of _that_.

'That' being Izaya's stubbornness, how he would always go assuming the worst...and Shizuo had still put up with him all of this time. His anger had almost vanished, and he had learned to be patient with the other male, even if it didn't seem like anything would change.

"...Izaya...tell me right now..." Shizuo appeared to be having difficulty with what he was trying to say. "...What-...what are we?"

There was a quiet gasp, then a pause. "...Shizuo, I don't think-"

"Izaya." He was cut off again. "Don't give me that kind of answer. I want a real answer...a certain answer." Shizuo's eyes darted to the side and back, trying to find the words that he wanted to convey. "...What...are we? Or at least... What do you...want us to be?"

Izaya's scarlet gaze locked with golden.

"...What do I...want..." He repeated, trying to figure out that answer for himself. "...I hardly think that's fair, Shizuo." The words were uttered softly, Izaya's gaze going to the carpet.

The blond didn't even bother to pick up on the fact that he was being addressed with his full name, for once. But given that this conversation was quite important, he was glad that it was, in a way, an indication that Izaya was taking it seriously.

"...You're saying it's..._not_ fair?" Shizuo asked for clarification, a small frown on his face. Surely his question hadn't been that complicated...had it?

A shake of the head was his response. "Mhm." Izaya then turned his body away, as if that was some way of saying that the conversation was over.

He didn't like all of these sudden questions...it hurt too much.

Oooh no, Shizuo wouldn't have that.

Seconds later, Izaya was wedged between the smooth, hard surface of the wall, and the warm, soft body which kept him captive. He attempted to budge away, but alas, he couldn't due to a _certain someone's_ unorthodox strength.

"Shizu-chan, wha-MMPH!" Three fingers were promptly pressed against his lips, effectively shutting him up. _'Well, isn't this scenario pleasantly familiar...' _He mused in his mind, eyes twinkling the same mischief that would otherwise show if he had spoken those words aloud. However, he knew that the intentions were not at all the same as they usually would be...and, even if he had something to say regarding such which was routine in order to tease the blond, he couldn't speak at the moment, anyway.

"Izaya, I want an answer." Shizuo was finally able to summon some form of confidence.

When he wanted something, he got it.

Including a proper response from his companion, who, for some reason, seemed reluctant to give him one. Even if neither of them were very certain as to what kind of answer that might be.

Taking that thought into account, he pulled his fingers away, only to gently touch his hand to the side of the other's face. This sudden action caused Izaya to freeze, though it certainly wasn't that he disliked the kind gesture. But knowing what Shizuo was expecting...and knowing that the blond wouldn't leave without an answer that they were both satisfied with, made Izaya unable to think properly. He wanted to find the right way to put what he was feeling into words that could be understood...but it was somewhat difficult since...well...

_What did he want?_

"...You don't hate me." Funny how Shizuo was repeating a certain dullahan's words from earlier, which had originally been directed at him. "...and after all the time that we've been spending together, it's pretty obvious that we're mutual on that, so...what's it gonna be?" He leaned in a bit more. "What. Are. We."

Izaya's eyes were wide at this point, his face giving away his complete internal fear of doubt.

Doubt that he didn't know what he felt. Doubt of how Shizuo would respond if he heard Izaya's reply.

Doubt that what they had now would come spiraling down and crash into a fiery wreck that could never be extinguished.

But he did know what he wanted to say...and even if Izaya was uncertain as to if they were his true feelings or not, he just didn't want Shizuo to walk out of his life.

All he knew was what they had...well, it was a bond. They both needed each other. It was a bond, never to be broken, no matter what they might do.

But it was up to them, whether that bond was a good thing, or a bad thing.

Izaya didn't want that bond to become poisoned with senseless hatred again.

"...You want to know what I think?" Izaya kept his gaze anywhere but at Shizuo, deciding to settle on the fabric of his vest.

The words came out too soon...before Izaya could think about any possible repercussions they might cause.

"...I think that we're a joke."

Shizuo stiffened at this, his chest tightening painfully. "...What?"

"...I said...a joke. A mistake. A disaster."

Yet again, what was said had left Izaya faster than he could think. The words stung both of them equally, more so leaving an almost sour taste in Izaya's mouth.

However, the way that they sounded wasn't at all what Izaya was intending. He wasn't very good with speaking about his feelings, especially because Shizuo was the only one he had ever been involved with...this actually being the very first time he confided in him. So, naturally, he was at a loss of what to say.

The blond tried to keep himself calm, but it wasn't easy. He didn't understand what Izaya had meant, but he was starting to assume the worst of it. "...You-..." He took a step back. "You think that's it? How-...how can you even say that?"

Izaya hesitantly lifted his face to meet gazes with the blond, but what he was met with made it all the more painful. The look in those golden eyes, which were now becoming dull...

"...I...don't know why I said that."

_'...Or why I said it that way...' _He had to make things right, before he made a horrible mistake...before he made this worse. _'I don't want to lose you, Shizuo.'_

"...Then why-..." Their bodies grew farther apart as Shizuo took another few steps back. "...What are you trying to say?"

_'...Don't... Please don't leave...' _The thought begged within Izaya's mind. But he couldn't move his lips.

This was like a bad dream, one where he couldn't control his body.

Inside Shizuo, horrible emotions were starting to emerge...emotions other than anger.

They weren't new to the blond, as he had a fair share of experiencing sadness...

But the one thing that was quite new was even more heart-wrenching...

_Betrayal._

He wasn't sure if he should let out the depths of his sorrow just yet...after all, Shizuo knew that he should be patient...and not jump to conclusions. He told himself that much, and it helped, if not in the slightest.

But then again, what else could he assume from the other's words?

From Izaya's point of view, he saw that Shizuo wasn't getting angry...that is, if he was even angry... Izaya didn't blame him if he was.

But, shouldn't he be exploding with rage? Or at least, storming out the door by now?

...However, Shizuo did neither.

Izaya felt that this was his only chance to fix everything before it broke.

Thankfully, his body allowed him to move his mouth again.

"...Here's what I'm trying to say..."

Whether Shizuo had a mind to protest or not, smaller arms quickly wrapped around his neck before he could do anything. He just stood in place and stared, Izaya's face coming closer and closer...

...before warm lips gently nestled against his own.

Golden eyes widened, then gradually closed, the kiss momentarily taking over his senses and all negative thoughts.

It lasted only a few seconds, before Izaya ended the kiss so that they could breathe...and, so that he could explain what he wished to tell Shizuo.

"I wasn't clear...when I told you that we were a joke, that we were a mistake, and a disaster." The other male grimaced as he was reminded of the painful words. Izaya saw this, smiling sadly, yet kindly. "But...what I actually meant was...that's not what we are _now_."

There was a long pause, bright eyes surveying a slightly confused Shizuo's expression.

"The disaster... Our past was a disaster." He began, making sure that he was describing it right. "What we had before...was a joke, because we couldn't see what we _could_ have, wasting our days with 'hatred'...and that was foolish."

Shizuo blinked, letting out a quiet breath at the memory.

"As for our mistake..." Izaya placed a tentative hand on the side of Shizuo's face. "...It was not realizing something sooner..."

Shizuo's gaze softened in immediate understanding, everything starting to make sense since Izaya spoke. He was certainly relieved that he had decided not to jump to conclusions...even though Izaya did have a tendency of not always being straightforward with his words.

Potentially, things could have ended very badly, had he not taken the chance to listen to what Izaya was trying to explain.

"...and what was that, Izaya?" He asked softly, suddenly having all of the patience in the world. He was able to smile back, even if it was faint.

"...You asked me what I want..." Izaya's eyes went to the blond's neck. "The truth is that I don't want...whatever _this_ is that we currently have...anymore. When we aren't doing _other _things...all we do is...nothing. It's cold and a bit lifeless...it feels just like before, except there isn't a chase or intent to physically harm..."

"...Izaya..." Shizuo's gaze went to the ground, eyes reflecting regret and some pain. So...Izaya had been feeling it too, it seemed. "...I-...I'm sorry..." He practically whispered.

It was then that Shizuo wondered about what had been said. Had they really been having that sort of interaction outside of the bedroom?

The more he thought about it, the unfortunate truth came to light. Aside from silence, when there was talking, it seemed like they only ever bickered. Although, a majority of it was somewhat justified, most of it regarding Izaya's safety, while the others were about pointless things. These arguments were small, yet...still frequent enough to complain about.

Shizuo vaguely recalled that most of the arguments were his own fault, until Izaya finally brought them up and helped him to realize that.

Now knowing that he had made Izaya feel this way, he understood the hesitation earlier when he asked what Izaya wanted them to be.

He hadn't known how to answer, because their communication had been terrible.

Shizuo felt like such an idiot. How could he not have seen this sooner?

Aside from that, it wasn't like there had ever been an absolute understanding between the two. They weren't really _dating_...yet, they were consciously committed to only each other. It had been some sort of a mutual silent relationship in which nothing was said yet action took place...

Shizuo had simply held his word and come over every single day, to make sure Izaya wasn't up to anything. However, the events leading up to their first night together happened so unexpectedly...and in the end, they had chosen to continue things that way. Practically every day ended with them sleeping together, the other days in between used to spare Izaya's body from all of the activity.

"...Shizuo..." Izaya finally broke the silence. "...It's alright. I guess that I can understand why things were like that. After all, what we did that day happened so quickly and, even after all of the times after that, we still weren't quite use to simply just talking without the whole sense of rivalry..." He sighed quietly, scarlet meeting golden as he finally revealed his true feelings. "But...it's still too much...I don't want us to be like that anymore...I don't want to fight with you anymore, even if it's no longer physical..."

There was a quick intake of air before Izaya finally admitted part of what Shizuo hadn't expected to hear.

"I just...don't want to lose you."

There was a small moment of silence, then Izaya spoke once more.

"...So what I want is...for you to stay." He hesitantly admitted the true meaning of his words. "Please..._stay_...with me. That is what I want."

"..."

He was almost frightened to look up and see the expression on Shizuo's face...even though he had felt some sort of confidence before...it was withering away...

...Shizuo wasn't answering.

...Why wasn't he answering?

Izaya knew that he would have to look up eventually, so he somehow managed to summon the courage, lifting his head to face Shizuo...

...Only for a pair of lips to smash against his own.

Shizuo had him pinned against the wall in no time, kissing him passionately, almost desperately...

..._Lovingly_...

He held Izaya in his arms as they wrapped around the lithe waist, the kiss never once ceasing for as long as they were able to go without air.

This meeting of lips was different...different than the many they had shared before.

"Dammit... Only _you_ are capable of ever doing this to me..." Shizuo kissed up the side of Izaya's face, and spoke against his ear, sending shivers down the raven's spine. "...Making me go insane..." Another nip was left at Izaya's earlobe. "Always thinking of you from the start..." His voice somehow grew deeper. "Even now...I might just go mad." Oddly, that didn't concern Izaya, since he was too busy getting weak in the knees as hot breath traveled down his neck. "Heh, actually, I think we're too late on that. Someone's gonna have to take some responsibility... Izaaayaaaaa..."

A soft whimper made it's way from the younger male's throat, causing Shizuo to pause. Had Izaya really done that just from hearing Shizuo's voice?

That certainly boosted the blond's confidence, a curious smile making it's way onto his face.

Wanting to see just how many _more_ sounds Izaya could let out, he snaked his hand under the black v-neck, allowing his fingers to brush against smooth skin.

"...Yeah... I've gone mad, alright..." Shizuo smiled as he lifted up the shirt for more access. "...I think there's only one way to keep me from going completely insane..." His smile only widened. "...Then again, maybe I'm too far in... Maybe I've already reached the peak of madness." He chuckled, surprising Izaya by moving his shirt back down, and affectionately kissing the side of his face. "Who knows... But you know what? I like things better this way..."

Izaya was still a bit entranced by Shizuo's words and gentle touches as he was effortlessly lifted up, then carefully carried up the stairs to his bedroom. As he felt himself make contact with the mattress, he stared up with a calm gaze, Shizuo's reflecting back at him the very same.

Strong arms then wrapped possessively around Izaya's frame, pulling him close, his back pressing against the larger body. He barely turned his head and was met with another kiss against his cheek, a head gently nuzzling his own.

"Shizuo." Finally Izaya spoke, although it remained quiet, in the midst of their peaceful moment together.

"...Yes, Izaya?" He lightly stroked the dark hair with a satisfied hum, resting his head against it.

"...What if I were to say something..._else_... How would you take it?"

Shizuo paused his movements upon hearing Izaya's odd question, before resuming again with a low chuckle. "Something else? I wouldn't know, because I don't know what this 'something _else_' is..."

Izaya realized that Shizuo was right about that, as he had been quite vague. "...Sorry..." He muttered, closing his eyes with a small sigh. "I guess I was just speaking my thoughts..."

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, before he smiled once more and nuzzled his nose against the soft black hair. "You're fine. Besides, it's just another thing for me to love about you-" He stopped when he realized what he had just said...what he had practically just admitted.

Izaya froze, his eyes slowly widening as he replayed what he had just heard in his head.

He knew what he had heard... There was absolutely no doubt of what had been said. It wasn't exactly a direct confession, but in a way, it was...

"...What did you just-...?" Izaya turned his head as much as he could in their current position, though, Shizuo sensed what he was doing and loosened his hold to allow him to turn entirely.

Once they were face-to-face, Izaya saw the slight tint of pink on Shizuo's face, and how his eyes were also wide, yet seemingly in concentration, focusing on Izaya.

"...I...I just...uh...well..." He swallowed quickly, trying to force words out, _anything_...but nothing would come.

...Nothing...until...

"...I love you."

The moment those three words slipped out, there was a long silence. For Shizuo, the silence felt like an eternity. He couldn't believe what he had just said...not that he didn't mean it...but he cursed at himself, now thinking that this really wasn't the right time to say something like that-

"...Shizuo..."

He felt a light touch, a hand cradling the side of his face. Golden eyes gazed up, narrowed in slight hesitation, before they finally took in the sight of Izaya's face.

He was crying.

"!...I-Izaya, I-" Guilt automatically gripping his chest, he hurriedly moved each of his own hands onto either side of Izaya's face, attempting to wipe away the fresh tears with his thumbs. "...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to make you-..."

He stopped talking as soon as he noticed something else...

Izaya was still crying, but...he was also _smiling_.

As soon as the smile grew, he let out a few soft chuckles, placing his free hand over one of Shizuo's, guiding it off of his cheek and kissing the palm. Then, he moved it back to where it had been, pressing it more against his face and closing his eyes with a warm smile.

"...Shizuo..." He spoke in the most sincere voice Shizuo was certain he had ever heard from him. "...I never thought I'd ever hear those words..."

Izaya's words made Shizuo's heart ache. He understood from the past why Izaya probably wouldn't expect to be told that he was loved, no matter now much he claimed to love all of humanity. He always somehow insured that he kept away from everyone, and only caused mischief from afar, observing the outcomes.

A god above his people, always to be alone, as was the likely state of mind.

He knew that people hated him. Yet, he would still continue to claim his love for all humans.

Deep down inside, Shizuo knew that it had to hurt. Izaya had spent so long repeatedly doing the same things, thinking the same thoughts, that he had literally become numb from all of the emotional pain.

The pain of being despised.

The pain of knowing he would never be loved.

And soon, Izaya had convinced himself that he was truly happy that way. He had become an emotional masochist, because that was all he could do to keep himself going.

But now, in the present, Shizuo had changed that. They changed...their relationship changed...and supposed hatred bloomed into love. The last couple of months they had spent together, more so the past several weeks of their frequent intimate meetings, had brought back some of the feeling inside of Izaya. The numbed pain had gradually come back anew, this time, as a struggle to convince himself that there was no way he was actually _in love _with Shizuo.  
Especially because, it was the real thing...real feelings, and they were so overwhelmingly new to him.

In the end, he found himself afraid.

He didn't know what to do, and it hurt to be around Shizuo. The feelings had started only a few weeks after Shizuo had been coming by, but only increased the pain in knowing that Shizuo could never possibly feel that way for him.

So the day that Shizuo had suddenly trapped him against the wall and touched him so..._gently_...then carried him upstairs where they had spent their first night, Izaya felt a flurry of confusion with his ever-growing emotions. Shizuo clearly had been wanting him, though Izaya couldn't exactly pinpoint it as being anything more than lust on the blond's end. While he was dealing with actual feelings for the other male, he suffered in thinking that he would still never be loved.  
After all, Shizuo only wanted him for his body, right?

So Izaya had let himself believe that at least..._pretending_ that they were more than that was enough for him.

...But here they were now.

Shizuo had told him that he loved him.

Shizuo Heiwajima _actually loved him_.

No longer could Izaya contain his joy. The tears gradually increased, but his smile remained on his face as he leaned in, brushing lips over Shizuo's, then sealing them together for a long kiss.

Once he pulled away, their eyes met, Izaya finally letting out the words that had been held in for so long.

"I love you too..."

* * *

The atmosphere in the room had drastically changed from how it was just hours ago.

There was a loud gasp.

Heavy trembles.

A soft whimper.

Breathes were soon let out in complete exhaustion as one body fell limp atop another. Chests pressed together, heart beats pounding in synch as the two individuals slowly recovered from their high.

The older of the pair let out a quiet sigh, hesitantly opening his eyes, as he didn't exactly care to rush that action. But once he could peer just enough through hooded lashes, his focus was on the male beneath him, whose skin was practically glowing in the moonlight from the window nearby. The light also allowed several new features to become apparent, consisting of numerous dark markings, causing the man above to smirk at his excellent work, if he were to say so himself.

After several long, wonderful minutes had passed, the two just basked in the comfortable silence, nothing else heard but the gentle thumping of their heartbeats.

Shizuo remained inside of his lover, not in a hurry to leave the pleasant heat.

However, he knew that his partner could only hold their current position for so long, and his legs finally gave as Shizuo made his decision, and carefully pulled out. He shuddered at the loss of warmth, but paid no mind once slim legs settled onto the mattress to relax on either side of him.

The blond then moved to his lover's side, hugging the smaller body close as he nuzzled his face into the other's neck. Izaya smiled tiredly as strong arms wrapped possessively around him, he in turn stroking the golden hair with his fingers, a pleased growl his response.

Another moment went by, before Shizuo lifted his head, gazing into the magnificent scarlet orbs that he had come to fall in love with. Izaya stared back, both of them seemingly pulled into a trance.

Nothing needed to be said. No longer did they have any doubts.

They finally had what they had wanted from each other all along...

_Love_.

...and that was all they ever needed.

* * *

** *･゜ﾟ･*\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･* **

**-Milarius**


End file.
